Friday, November 18, 2005

Close but so Far

Word count: 72,830

I don't know what's been going on lately, but it's getting near impossible to write. Distractions are every where, and it had been easy to side step them early in the game, but now I can't seem to focus. It's always I gotta check my email/blog/forum/website just one more time, and I'll write the next :30, and I'll wait till the next :00...except that now, I can't go through with it.

I think I may have reached a deadlock in my novel. The downside of not remembering what you wrote the day before is that I can't keep track of what my characters are doing, and since my novel is basically split into three parts, I have to go back and figure it all out. And often I forget what I had been trying to get to, and what character is supposed to do what and all that madness. Last night, for the first time, I tried doing outline and notes, and came up with a bunch of strange character ties and plot ties, and more than a dozen unanswered questions with not a single clear answer.

I thought I might let it all out here and see if this can free my inspiration. At the moment, it's not looking too good. I know, however, that at over 70,000 words, there's no way I'm going to abandon my shitty story and all that. I mean, I might just end up murdering all my characters, and nothing would make the slightest sense...but it'll get the job done, won't it?

And besides, this is week three. Everything is supposed to be easy and fun. I'm supposed to know exactly where I'm going and how I'm getting there...sigh. Well, I don't know. I really don't know. Maybe it's all my distress at missing BOTH of the Jimmy Eat World shows around L.A. in December. It was going to be my perfect reward for that tedious 100,000 words, but now, I have nothing to look forward to...my life is a dark and empty hole...except, not really, and also that I can't think of anything else I want at the end of the month as much as seeing the greatest band ever live at intimate venues. But I guess it's my fault for sleeping on the presale and my inability to get a ride anywhere...

We'll see if that word counts soars up tomorrow.